To my dear Quaker Meeting,
I’m afraid finding my voice as a Gaia Troubadour is going to be more personal than I originally imagined.
.: Richard, you need to speak. You cannot stay silent.
The “.:” at the beginning of a line is a convention I have been using in my journal for years. I often experience my inner life as a committee meeting, and when the dialog gets going while I am writing, I distinguish the contending, positional, points of view by starting a change of voice with a “.:”.
Finding my voice…
.: Some things are better not said.
.: But I don’t know what they are!
.: Oh yes you do. Just start slow. Hold back when you can, but for God’s sake, start!
.: Dear Twin Cities Friends Meeting, I offer my leading to your care.
The things I want to say here are things that I expect will be seen in a different light after “The Long Emergency” is widely recognized. So I believe that what I am saying now won’t make as much sense now as it will later, but I’ve got to get started. I’ve got to find my voice.
I am my first case in point.
And the point is: There IS guidance. We CAN find our way out of this mess we have created.
I feel led. Led to say these things, to set up this website.
.: My message is going to tumble out in a jumble at first, but it is the only way I know to get started. I am drinking WAY too much and I believe that is because I am holding back, dragging my feet.
.: The human race is in it’s adolescence, with more power than it knows how to handle, and we’ve gotten ourselves into quite a mess. As is inevitable in youth, after we are sadder, we can be wiser.
.: I am frightened about what will happen to me if I do not speak.
.: What do I think our proper orientation to the earth should be? I’d start with Paul Winter’s Missa Gaia. Awe, devotion, celebration. That’s where I begin.
.: I am a sinner. I’m going to try confessing my sins to you in hopes that I can then move on. Hoping that my bad behavior is a sign of my balking from doing what I am led to do.
.: I’m writing with my dear sister looking over my shoulder. I really shouldn’t use the word “sinner” because her heart will leap up, hoping I am ready to accept Christ as my personal savior. Not yet, Chris.
.: My life is kinda a mess. I don’t need to go into great detail, but I do not feel I come to you, my Meeting community, from a position of strength.
My audience, to whom I write and speak, is my Quaker Meeting community. These are people I expect to face on a weekly basis, some of whom I have encouraged to speak to me, if I am out of line. Let me say it here, to even more of my community members, to Carol and to Jeremy, for instance, and to all of you who know me personally: My friends, I feel impelled to speak, and I will, but I feel profoundly imperfect, and if you feel led to speak to me about my behavior, to raise a concern or to chastise me, I will gladly hear it. And if you are reluctant to say things to me directly, I encourage you to speak to my elders.
.: This is what it looks like to be an introvert: many of the most vivid parts of my life take place inside my head.
.: And getting that inner dialog going on the outside may not be as painful as giving birth, but it’s close.