Or Terrified Beyond Words?

I feel good about what I wrote in the first six posts of this year.

And then I stopped.

I feel good about that, too.
My emotional life, my intellectual understanding, are part of a larger flow of many, many things, including Quaker memorial services and weddings, and earning a living.

I do not feel I am called to a linear predictability and progress.
I am called to a larger pattern.

Here’s a poem I wrote almost 30 years ago that I “just happened” to find today.

~

Why do I speak of Gaia?

Who can say?
One reason:

Intent.
Hers,
And mine,
If I will give myself to it.
But I am frightened.

George Lock Land
Called it “information fit.”
That’s easier to bear
For an agnostic-born.

Teilhard
Had his church, his Christ.
He grew up
Knowing
He was floating on the bosom of Love
So it was easier for him.

I am terrified.
It’s like being eaten
To know
The strands of my life
Those woven, and those still loose,
Are oriented
In ways beyond my ken.

And yet
In 1976
When I fell
Despairing
From the web
Of my life’s weaving
I fell
With a sense of rightness
A sense of orientation.

In the darkness
Of my personal confusion
I felt clearly,
eerily,
The coördinates of a larger grid.
I knew
This darkness
Is held
Within
Something larger
Than I knew.

Yikes.

Spooked
For years
And yet,

Even as I wove
Anew,
Afraid,
I felt
Embraced
By Knowing
Ever more deeply
of a larger grid.

Of intent?

I choose
Within a context
Too dynamic to be called a grid.

I choose,
And feel
A response,
Subtly woven
Into the consequences.
I am led
I am brought up short
I learn
What I already knew
I know

Within the Tao

R.O.F. 10/14/1983